From the Rev

Dear Friends,

Most of you know that I have had prostate cancer. I had surgery in 2009 believing (hoping and praying) they “got it all.”  Apparently they didn’t, so in 2013 I had 38 radiation treatments believing (hoping and praying) that would do the trick. Since then I have been checking my PSA at least three times a year. Last fall the numbers started rising again, giving me cause for concern. I was tested in January, and the number remained the same. Again in May it remained the same. Last week I had another test, and the number actually went down! The number still isn’t where I would like it to be but ‘stable’ works just fine for me!

I don’t think I’m alone when I say this is always in the back of my mind. I think most people who have had cancer and survived will tell you that whenever an ache or pain hits you, you ask, “Is it the cancer returning?” While it doesn’t paralyze me, the thought is there. But the gift one is given through this experience is the gift of a greater appreciation for each new day of life.

Stephen Grellet, a 19th Century Quaker missionary, wrote these profound words:

“I shall pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

It’s a simple truth: life is short. We’re all on a long journey called human life. So how’s that journey going today for you? As you travel, are you taking the time to spread some goodness and kindness and love along the way? All of us are stamped with an unknowable expiration date the day we are born and then the clock of finitude starts ticking away. As soon as we enter this world we begin the journey towards our departure.

That’s an obvious truth but it’s one I think many folks tend to forget and even deny. You know the excuses:

“I’ll forgive that person who hurt me some day, but not now. I’m still mad.”

“I’ll give more money to charity some day, but not now. I’ve got to take care of me.”

“I’ll work less and spend more time with my family some day, but not now. My career is my number one priority.”

“I’ll get back to church and God some day when things are less busy, but not now. Haven’t got the time.”

And then some unexpected event happens and all of our plans for “some day” come crashing to the ground. We wake up to the fragility and preciousness of this God-given finite life. Cancer does this. Today we feel great. Then tomorrow we get a scary lab result or find a lump or a shadow on an X-ray. Ask anyone who’s faced or is facing “The Big C” and they’ll tell you that the day they were diagnosed everything changed. Disease jolts us awake. Accidents can too, and natural disasters like a tornado which appears out of nowhere. Just the circumstances of life. And then we realize that we do only pass this way but once. How will we travel this road? How will we live?

Faith in an infinite God constantly reminds us that finally we human beings are all finite. Life is precious. Life is a mystery. We have no idea when our lives or the lives of others will end. When we adopt this attitude of spiritual finitude, of living with the truth that dying comes to all of us, it can radically change the way we live, act, and make our journey in this life.

We can love more and neglect less. That person who needs to know that you love them? Tell them now. Don’t wait. We can give more away knowing we can’t take it with us. All that cash and all our stuff will not fit into the coffin, no matter how hard we try! We can take risks and pay attention to our bucket list. What have you always dreamed of doing? Get to it! We begin to live, not for ourselves alone, but for others too. The smallest life is always the one which only concerns “me.” In the face of death we can become more alive! Imagine that.

You and I will only pass this way but once. What are you doing today with this wonderful life God has given you?

You are loved,

Wayne

Dear Friends,

Can you believe it’s August already? Only twelve days until summer ends. Yes, I know summer doesn’t officially end until September 21st, but for most of us summer really ends when school starts and we get back into work and our familiar routine and lean into the busyness of the fall season with all its new beginnings.

As you prepare to say goodbye to summer, take and moment and think about the blessings of summer that you appreciate and will miss the most. What parts of this summer do you need to hang on to and maybe even carry with you into the weeks and months ahead? Maybe you had more intentional time with your family. Maybe you took the time to read a good book. Maybe you took time to just sit back in a chair, ponder and daydream, enjoying unplanned moments with no schedules pressing on you. Which of those experiences might you carry over into your busy life ahead?

School begins on August 17th and most colleges begin on August 24th. To any young folks reading this who might be heading off to college for the first time after a summer of fun, here is a little word of advice and encouragement from this old preacher. (I know you haven’t asked for any but here it is anyway).

I remember when I was your age it felt like time went by at a snail’s pace and I couldn’t wait to rush off and get started in this exciting new phase of my life. The truth is that as you get older (like me) time goes by faster than you can imagine. (See the first line of this email). To your parents it feels like just yesterday they held you in their arms. Never forget how fragile and limited and precious your time here on earth is. Pay close attention to everything you will experience in the months and years ahead: the life-long friends you will make and those who will pass quickly in and out of your life; the small, smelly dormitory room; the football games you will cheer at and the parties before and after (be smart about those, okay?); the classes you love and the classes that bore you to death—everything! All of it is a gift and you will be clutching that diploma before you know it and moving on to the next phase of your life. All God gives us is right now. Be fully alive and immersed in it. Appreciate every day and don’t take life for granted. It’s a miracle.

Oh, and call your Mom—and your Dad and your sister and your brother and grandparents every once in a while. It’s easy to think that you got where you are on your own. Remember you are the person you are because of all those who have loved and nurtured you along the way. Remember how much you are loved. No matter how far away life takes you, no matter what you achieve or what you screw up, there are people who care deeply about you.

Strive for success in all ways: social, academic, romantic, financial. But save some time and space to work for a cause greater than yourself. Use some of your youthful energy to make the world a better place. God put us here on earth for a short time, not just for “me” but for “we” too. Help serve at a homeless shelter in your area. Help build a Habitat House. Look for someone in your class or dorm who needs a kind word and a good friend. Be that good friend.

Be careful. Be smart. Be wise.

And call your Mom.

You are loved,

Wayne

Dear Friends,

Shakespeare, in The Merchant of Venice, writes: “If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?”

Somehow I find those words appropriate in these interesting days in our nation. The human heart cannot be changed through a court decision or a legislative act. Authentic inclusion cannot be forced or mandated. The only truth which finally redeems is our shared humanity; each one of us a child of God. We all bleed if we are pricked. We all cry when a loved one dies. We all aspire to love another special person and be loved in return and live in peace. Until we recognize this flesh and blood connection to the person we may still label as “the other,” nothing will change.

In Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus Finch says to his daughter, Scout:

…if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view […]until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.

Indeed. Until we who are white have the courage to face how difficult life is for so many people of color in our land, things will not change. Until we who are straight have the moral imagination to understand what it is like to have your essence as a child of God called “sinful” and “unnatural,” nothing will change. Until we who are privileged by virtue of the class we are born into or the zip code we call home, until we confront the pain of poverty and being poor, nothing will change.

In the end, we are all human, all children of God. All.

Before we are a color, or a gender, or an orientation, or a class, or a race, or a religion, or a nationality, we are all human. When we finally get that, the world can change. If we don’t, the world will continue on as it is. Two thousand years ago a wise teacher was asked to name the most important of God’s laws. His answer was simple: “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” and “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and, love your neighbor as yourself.”

It seems so simple, doesn’t it? If I want to be treated with equality and justice, I will do the same for others. If I want to be accepted for who I am, I must accept others for the person God made them to be. If I don’t want to be judged, labeled, or stereotyped, I need to stop doing that to my neighbor.

Yes, these are interesting, amazing, incredible days in the life of our nation. We’ve come a long way. We’ve still got miles to go to reach our promised land.

You are loved,

Wayne

Dear Friends,

Are you busy? Of course you are. Everyone is busy these days. I checked my watch the other day hoping to see 13 or 14 o’clock…but alas, it wasn’t there. I just needed a few more hours to get through all that I had to do. Because, you see, I’m busy. I’ve very busy and maybe if I could extend the day an hour or two then I just might be able to squeeze in everything I needed to accomplish so that, finally, I would be…well…less busy. Right?

Parents drive all over Tallahassee delivering kids to sports teams and music rehearsals and math tutoring and dance recitals. I see many of these forlorn parents in parking lots with their minivans idling away, texting on their smartphones to see where they are supposed to go to next. Their car is their second home.

And back at the office the email inbox is piling up with everyone waiting for an immediate response. The computer is cranking, the cell phone is ringing, the office is humming. American workers are among the most productive in the world…why?…because we are busy…very busy.

“Busy” is an interesting word. It used to mean “to be anxious”. For a while, “busy” meant that one was rather promiscuous in the romance department. But in the first part of the 20th century “busy” came to mean what it currently means: having a very full life, filling our waking hours with lots of stuff to do.

Of course, there are some good things about staying busy. It can keep us out of trouble. You’ve heard the phrase: “Idle hands make the devil’s work”. Staying busy can give us a sense of purpose, a reason to get out of bed in the morning. In our culture, busyness connotes success…the confident business professional with their smartphone in one hand, Starbucks latte’ in the other, ready to conquer the world. I confess there was a time in my life when I loved being busy too, schedule full, calendar overflowing from dawn to dusk. But not anymore.

Maybe it’s my age…maybe it’s personal experience…maybe it’s because I’m smarter…maybe it’s just exhaustion. But I don’t think I want to be busy anymore. When I talk to friends to whom I serve as a pastor and ask: “How are you?” they almost always say, “I’m busy!” And when I ask them what would make them happy, they reply: “Just more time”…time to be with loved ones…time to play….time to rest.

How did “busy” come to be the normal way of life in our world? Sure, some of us are busy because we have no choice, such as the single Mom raising her kids and working two jobs; the harried worker trying his best to keep his job; the college student putting herself through school with a full class load and two part-time jobs. For some busyness is survival.

But I wonder if for most of us we are busy because we’re afraid that if we slow down we just might begin to question how crazily we live; maybe even wonder “Is this all there is?” So we just keep at it. We stay busy and end up not knowing our spouse or our children so well anymore. We mistake busyness for meaning in life…that our lives must really matter and make a difference because…”Hey—I’m really busy!”

Full disclosure. That’s my sin. “Physician, heal thyself!”

In my good moments I know there is another way to live and not be so ridiculously busy all the time. And it all starts with the notion of a day…just one day…this day. From the dawn of creation a day is just that… one day: singular, contained in 24 hours, 1440 minutes…86,400 seconds. You can’t subtract anything from it and you can’t add anything to it. Sure, we can get more organized, squeeze in more activities, download a hundred productivity apps, juggle calendars, sleep less and run faster. But at the end of the day all we have is a day.

See this one day, today, as a gift, a miracle even. This one day is finite. This one day has never happened before and will never, ever happen again. When we see this one day as “the day” God has made and given us, then maybe we can be a little less busy and a little more balanced with our time.

To be sure, let’s stay busy. But let’s remember that unchecked busyness takes a toll on life. Work only matters if it gives us a chance to play; an activity only satisfies when it gives way to rest.

God knows I’m busy. But God also knows that finally, all I have is this one day.

Have a wonderful today!

You are loved,

Wayne

Dear Friends,

It’s graduation time. Do you remember the advice you were given at your graduation? Neither do I. Advice is as common as pollen in Tallahassee in the spring. I sure don’t remember any of the ‘wisdom’ imparted to me when I graduated from high school, college and seminary. So I thought I’d share a few thoughts on what I wish someone had said to me as I went, excited and anxious, into the undiscovered place of my new future.

I know I’m dating myself but how many of you remember the movie, “City Slickers”? It was a 1991 comedy movie starring Billy Crystal as “Mitch” and Jack Palance as “Curly”. Mitch is a middle-aged man, quite unhappy, restless, struggling. Curly is a seasoned cowhand. On the trail, Curly tells Mitch that there is one key to happiness in all of life.

Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is? This. (He holds up one finger.)

Mitch: Your finger?

Curly: One thing Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest won’t matter.

Mitch: But what is the “one thing?”

Curly: That’s what you have to find out.

So there you go, graduates. The most difficult and important task you now confront as you move into young adulthood is just one thing: to figure out your “one thing”. What is your place in the world? What is your reason for being? What is your unique fingerprint….the gift, talent, cause, passion…the “one thing” that God gave to you when you were born?

Today there are over 7 billion people on this earth. Every single one of them is one of a kind. There is no one who came before you who is just like you. There is no one who will come after you who will be like you either. God broke the mold when God made you. God gave you a special gift or gifts which make you, you.

And now the biggest part of your life is about doing the work of discovering your unique place in this life. As a child I wanted to be a fireman, then later a lawyer. When I was in college I changed my major three times. By my junior year I had yet to discover what I was good at, what I loved to do, and why God had put me here in the first place. My “one thing.”

Finally one day someone said “Wayne, have you ever thought about being a minister?” I never had. I started listening to that ‘still, small voice’ and decided to go to seminary just to see if this might be my “one thing”. Four years later I was ordained as a United Methodist Minister and 43 years later I can say this has indeed been my “one thing.”

So for what it’s worth, here’s my advice to you graduates. Trust that God has already given you your “one thing”. Believe that with all your heart, soul and mind. God made you for a purpose and the great adventure of life is finding out what that purpose is. Make no mistake about it…there will be many times when it will feel like you have absolutely no idea what to do or who to be. Like when you think you’ve figured out your “one thing” and it turns out wrong…or it changes. Have faith that you are going to find your God-given “one thing”. And when you do find it…(maybe you already have!)…thank God for it. Then dig into it with joy and passion!

This is about making a life, your life. It’s not about making a living or for money or worldly success. The happiest people I know are happy, not because of all the stuff they’ve accumulated, but because they have truly found their niche, their unique place.

No one can tell you what your “one thing” is…not your parents or teachers or mentors. You are sailing the ship, the training wheels are off, you’ve got the keys to the car. It is time for you to set out on your one amazing life’s journey.

Your “one thing”…it is within you waiting to be discovered.

Hans Balthasar once said: “Who you are is God’s gift to you; who you become is your gift to God.”

God once said: “For surely I know the plans I have for you, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”

“Do you know what the secret to life is?” Just one thing. God already gave it to you. Now go find it!

You are loved,

Wayne

Dear Friends,

Here is something I’ll bet you didn’t know: It’s good to get dirty. Recent research has discovered a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, that has been found to trigger the release of serotonin, which in turn elevates a happy mood and decreases anxiety. And on top of that, this little bacterium has been found to improve cognitive function and possibly even treat cancer and other diseases. Which means that contact with the soil, through gardening or other means, is beneficial.

If this is true…and I have no reason to question this bit of scientific discovery…then after this past week of ‘stay-cation’ Beth and I have to be the happiest, least anxious and healthiest people on earth! We started last Tuesday morning (with the good help of our expert friend, Steve Bos) and worked non-stop until we finally finished this past Monday evening transforming our garden from a garden of mismatched flowers, plants and weeds to a well-planned garden of beauty and delight. We spread 45 bags of potting mix, topsoil, and peat moss; a large bag of fertilizer; and a pallet of cypress mulch (that’s 80 bags, by the way!). You can see the transformation in the pictures here.

Beth and I really had a good time working together all week. If you’ve read “The Five Love Languages” , we had plenty of “quality and quantity” time together! And we’re still friends!

I have come to the conclusion that marriage is like a garden. If we sit back and expect it to take care of itself, it will be in ruin. If we weed the garden, it will thrive. If we water and feed the garden, it will grow. But, if we forget about our garden or make something else a priority, it will die and what we will have is a garden (a marriage) that is a complete mess, a garden or a relationship that is choked by weeds as a result of a lack of care. The garden must be taken care of to flourish. The same is true for a marriage. Tender, timely care and respect are required. Too often couples expect their marriage relationship to grow, deepen and flourish on their own. Unfortunately, many husbands and wives gradually take their mates for granted and then watch each other slowly fade away from any meaningful or heartfelt relationship or commitment. This poorly tended marriage often leads to some form of adultery or straying from the vows that were planted at their wedding.

So let the mycobacterium vaccae release the serotonin! Treat your marriage like your garden. Be good to your garden. Likewise, be good to your marriage. It takes planning, thoughtfulness, and lots of hard work. A garden can deteriorate rather quickly in three or four months without nurturing.

If Beth and I want our garden to stay healthy and beautiful it will need our constant care. The same is true of our marriage. What are you doing to take care of your “garden” today?

You are loved,

Wayne

Dear Friends,

From the responses I have heard from last week’s “From The Rev” it sounds like I’m not the only one doing a lot of weeding.  And not just weeds in our gardens but weeds in our lives.  It’s important to do that kind of weeding on a regular basis so the weeds don’t choke out the good things of life.

I’m at that stage in life when part of my daily reading of the newspapers…after the front page and the comics…I always look through the obituaries to make sure my name isn’t there.  I see a lot of folks who are my age and younger and the inevitable thought comes:  “That could be me.”  That is what death does for those of us left behind.  Yes, death shocks, saddens, steals, and rearranges life, and yet death can also wake us up to the truth that we all have an expiration date, a moment when we will cease to be, at least on this side of existence.

The gift of death, if such a thing can even be fathomed, is that it reminds us of all the wonderful gifts of life:  our hearts beating for another day; the sun warming us for another day; our family and friends loving us for another day; our Creator calling us to live and love this precious life for another day.

The reality of death challenges us to live this God-given life well, very well.

So how’s it going for you this day?  What is your life’s meaning and purpose, its quality and depth?  What will be your legacy when you leave this world?  What positive difference are you making?

Perhaps you remember Emily,  the main character in Thornton Wilder’s play Our Town, a young woman who dies suddenly.  She is allowed to go back and witness the day of her twelfth birthday.  When she returns she asks the poignant question:  “O earth, you’re too wonderful for anybody to realize you.  Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?  Every, every minute?”

To realize life every minute.  When I find myself in the weeds of life, when I get caught up in all the drama of day to day life and get stuck in the “poor me”  cycle, this what my faith reminds me: to realize the wonder and beauty of life every minute.  This is the lesson of death, isn’t it?  To try and live so fully that when we die, we will have no regrets; to love so deeply, we will have given all our love away; to give ourselves to others so fully, we can leave knowing we have made a positive difference; to live for something bigger than ourselves that when we exit, those who have known us will be better people.

Death reminds us just how wonderful and amazing life can be when we live it to the fullest.  Just one life, that’s all God gives us.  Do we realize this gift every, every minute?

You are loved,

Wayne

Dear Friends,

Spring is here! The azaleas and dogwood are in full bloom! The drake elm and redbud trees are bursting with new green leaves! And every car in Tallahassee is yellow!

I love the springtime here in Tallahassee. As the last bit of cold weather fades, a snapshot comes to my mind of what my yard will look like in a month…full of blooming flowers as my neighbors look enviously at my Better Homes and Garden lawn.

Well, that’s the snapshot. Now the reality. ..all the work it takes to get it ready to look like that. So I have spent the last couple of days pulling weeds with the result of an aching back, heat exhaustion, a splitting headache…and a lawn finally clear of weeds. But weeds are like a boomerang…they keep coming back.

I have found that beautiful gardens and lush carpet-like lawns don’t grow naturally. Weeds do. I wish it weren’t so, but I’ve got to keep pulling those weeds in order to maintain a healthy lawn.

Some weeds are easy to spot. A dandy-lion, or a ragweed I would pull up in a minute. I know they are weeds. No matter where they grow they are weeds. Others are not so easy to spot. In fact, some sproutings that look like weeds to me are not weeds at all. Growing up in Miami, periwinkles were weeds. They would sprout up all around our yard and I would spend a lot of time pulling them up. Imagine my surprise first saw these ‘weeds’ selling at a Tallahassee nursery for two bucks a plant!

Pulling weeds and planting good seeds. It’s pretty much the story of life, isn’t it? Our life can be alluded to as a sort of flowerbed or garden, and this flowerbed life of ours is not immune to the problem of weeds. If we want to cultivate a healthy and beautiful life we must rid ourselves of them.

What are the weeds in your life? Worry? Anxiety? Busyness? Unhealthy relationships? Jealousy? One way to spot the weeds is to check your conversations. What are you most excited about? What do you talk with others about? What preoccupies your thoughts daily? Is it something honorable?

I wish I had some high-powered herbicide to help you instantly eradicate the weeds from your life. The reality is that all soil has weed seeds. Lives do too. Weeds will continually try to resurface. Even though we may have the flowerbed cleaned out today, there is always work to do. The job never ends.

When we started our garden, Beth and I put a protective layer just below the surface of the flowerbed that prevented weeds from growing. It didn’t stop them all, but it was a big help. Let me suggest a ‘protective layer’ by writing down your blessings at the end of every day; spend some time in prayer and meditation. Ask God to help you prioritize your life so that you can remove the weeds. And try reading the Bible: I have found from personal experience that God’s word is active and living. It is a tool that can help us maintain the garden and prevent weeds from reappearing.

Spring is here! It’s a time for self-examination, weeding out the bad and planting the good, preparing the soil and getting rid of the weeds. Get yourself on a maintenance plan and keep your garden beautiful.

You are loved,

Wayne

Dear Friends,

Continuing on last week’s theme of seeing the beauty right in front of you, I decided to get outside the office yesterday and take a walk around the block. As you will see in the pictures below, Spring was bursting into bloom all around me. I saw lots of people on my jaunt, although most of them didn’t see me because their heads were looking down at their smart phones. I got kind of excited when a woman came toward me with a big smile on her face saying something to me….but then I realized she wasn’t talking to me at all but was talking into the bluetooth device hooked around her ear.

These photos represent some of the beauty I saw in just one block.

What did you notice when you woke up this morning and started your day? Was it beauty? If you’re anything like me, you might not see much of anything until that first cup of coffee. But once my eyes begin to focus, I attempt to make a regular habit of looking at the beauty I see all around me.

I read a quote recently: “We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.” In other words, if you are unhappy or discouraged, chances are you won’t see anything of beauty no matter where you’re looking. On the other hand, when you are at peace and your soul is full of joy, just about everything glows. So maybe if you aren’t seeing the beauty all around you, perhaps the best thing to do is start out working within. Begin by seeing the beauty in the everyday little things, the little things we too often take for granted. Henry Ward Beecher said “The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.” Indeed, there is beauty everywhere.

So take some time this week and think of some of the beautiful things that you see every day that you may completely take for granted. Start focusing on some of those things, even if just for a few moments, and see what it does to change your outlook on life.

Our chancel choir sometimes leads us in a catchy chorus with these words:

Look all around you, come join in the song
Sadness and gloom on this day now be gone.
See all the goodness that passes your way,
To God, the Great Wonder, give praise on this day.
Look all around you and have a beautiful day!

You are loved,

Wayne